“God uses brokenness far more than he uses strength or talent. Talent makes you look good. Brokenness makes God look good.” – Rick Warren
May all of us make God look good everyday 🙂
I haven’t been blogging for ages. 🙂 I have been thinking about THE prayer topic for this year. In fact, there are many prayer topics in my life that I can pray for. However, from previous years, I know that God has always a main prayer topic (emphasis) for me, especially relating to my spirit.
Akin to 2011, the prayer topic this year is still Joel 2:13
“Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.”
Though it looks the same but I know it’s NOT – I need to “demolish and rebuild” a deeper level.
In 2011, God’s light shone on my hidden weakness- the constant void for love. I did not come before God in this aspect. I have been hiding away from Him all these while (just like how Adam and Eve hid away from God when they knew they disobeyed God). Through the years, I had been using myriad of ways to seek love to fill this void. At the end of the day, I realized I still have the “void”. Not only that, as a result, there were repercussions in my spirit; I received much accusations and self-reproaches. These became a stronghold in my life which hindered me from enjoying the blessings and love from the people whom God placed beside me.
Thank God that He thinks that I can no longer live in that state and interfered. He sent me Pastor, Hj and Lw to confirm (i) God’s unconditional love and (ii) Jesus had died on the cross for all my weakness. Through this relentless confirmation of these truths, it slowly helped me get out of my deep-rooted accusations and I was able to face God confidently. For the first time, after so long, I repented before God and resolute to not fall into traps to fill that “devoid”.
Just as the second half of Joel 2:13 speaks, “Return to the Lord, your God…. and He relents from sending calamity,”
God gave me a surprise. Mr J (John) proposed to me on my birthday, and on that day, I was really touched to see his sacrificial love (just like Jesus sacrificial love for me) and the most important thing is I see that he is the best (he complements me the most in inheriting the spiritual blessings).
As the saying goes, “Good feelings don’t last” and true enough, the “void” slowly crept back. The insinuations kept coming and sometimes, I do fall into those traps again.
About a month back, pastor gave me this prayer topic, to be a changed Rachel – let go of my worldly perspectives and restore my perspective in Gospel (it ‘s like God appeared to Abram to ask him to change his name to Abraham). Secretly, I was feeling angry and was adamant that I have already changed and there’s no need for this prayer topic.
However, this prayer topic lingers in my head the following weeks. Whenever I felt the void or unrest, this phrase “changed Rachel” (demolish my worldly thinking and rebuild in Gospel) came to my mind. Further on, when I went to church camp, as Reverend Lee was giving some examples of “people who were born again, yet, they have not received the transformational change of a born again spirit”. Immediately, this spoke to me. “Yes Lord, this is me, I am still living in my “old self”- my desires and my wants. Lord, I am willing to die to my old self and be a “new creation”. I continued to confirm in many areas these few weeks. I am still holding on to my thinking and beliefs and these obstructed me from living in bliss, peace and joy in God’s promises and truth (which is God’s original intent).
I have therefore concluded that it’s not by repentance of my actions, nor perseverance, hypnotism and motivation that I can overcome my weakness. But it’s by returning to God (a “changed Rachel”) that I can completely break free from those insinuations and traps.
I came across this song from Streams of Praise “炼净我”. I loved it as it’s synonymous to my prayer topic.
“Something in the wind learned my name and its telling me things are not the same”
When you see that a guy protects his girlfriend just like those in the dramas, do you feel at one moment that you want to be the “girl” as she is fortunate to have the guy dotes on her a lot and that is called L.O.V.E?
When you see a love story such as the video of Chris Medina, will you be touched and at one instance you feel that is TRUE L.O.V.E?
When you see a guy treats his girlfriend to a romantic dinner, do many romantic things, buy flowers and all the things (branded bags, clothes, go on a trip etc) that the girl wants, will your heart envy and think that those should be the measurement of FEELING L.O.V.E.D?
“Never judge a book by its cover”. I know it sounds cliché but often, conclusions are drawn from the exterior (things and expressions that you see at that moment).
If you are given a chance to be invisible and look at the heart of the girls in those three scenarios:
Will you see in the first case, a girl with a heart of INSECURITY, regardless how much the guy protect her physically and emotionally, she would worry that the guy might leave her for another person?
Will you see in the second case, a girl with a heart filled with SADNESS, as she knows that she might leave the world anytime and there will not be a guarantee that her guy will still love her even if she parts the world?
Will you see in the third case, a girl with FEAR as she do not know if one day she becomes a “devil”, no longer that “likable”, and what if she cannot reach the guy’s expectations, will the guy still loves, accepts and forgive her?
What about God’s love?
Psalms 36:5 “Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies”.
This verse itself tells about two very important elements, Unconditional love and Assured love (Security) that Man’s love will never be able to give completely.
Unconditional love: A love that is not based on looks, background, conditions, actions, gifts, talents, wisdom, weaknesses, strengths, and even faith level. God loves you even when you can’t love yourself or others. His heart goes out to you when you often feel accused, His eyes longed for you to be freed from those struggles and sufferings, in Jesus Christ.
Assured love: A love that will never change even though heavens and earths may change. As God knows that the world will tempt you and you will be shaken, therefore He sends Holy Spirit to remind and assure you of His love, your identity and your inheritance. He also prepares a church for you so that you will not only be reminded but able to receive the “right” heart in understanding the essence of His words so that “you are not under law, but under grace”.
I am not trying to say that you should now live in solitude and you do not need love from Man. On the contrary, God would prepare the person to love you as how He convicts him to love and protect you. So to be able to enjoy this love that God prepares, you must first learn and accept the love of the Creator.
The other day, I watched “American Idol” Season 10 audition and came across this “love story”.
In short, Chris got engaged to his girlfriend, Juliana. Shortly after their engagement, his fiancé met a car accident and suffered traumatic brain injury. Despite that, Chris loves her still, stood by her and took care of her.After watching, it reminds me of God’s unconditional love which is greater and deeper than Man’s love. No matter how “ugly” my spirit is many times, no matter how my heart feels “dull and numb” towards Him, no matter if my actions are “weak”, no matter how “defiant” I am, God does not leave me. Instead He looks at me tenderly and immaculately, waiting patiently for “my eyes” to turn to Him only.
Song of Songs 4: 1 -7 (How “Lover” (God) looks at his “Beloved” (us) when “she” do not have the heart to hear God in the preceding chapter.)
1 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from the hills of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,
coming up from the washing.
Each has its twin;
not one of them is alone.
3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built with courses of stone[a];
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
that browse among the lilies.
6 Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain of myrrh
and to the hill of incense.
7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
there is no flaw in you.
May we develop stronger and greater love with God through all the problems that we faced!
“你 们 要 撕 裂 心 肠 ， 不 撕 裂 衣 服 。 归 向 耶 和 华 你 们 的 神 。 因 为 他 有 恩 典 。 有 怜 悯 ， 不 轻 易 发 怒 ， 有 丰 盛 的 慈 爱 ， 并 且 后 悔 不 降 所 说 的 灾 。”
Joel 2:13
“Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.”
I was planning to do some revision for my exams but somehow, I just can’t concentrate and focus. Was thinking of having an early rest to prepare for tomorrow’s service, but I can’t seem to sleep too. So instead of allowing my mind to have unnecessary thoughts, I thought of one of this favorite song of mine, “But for your grace” by Women of Faith.
This song never fails to touch and comfort me every time I listen to it because it remind me once again of God’s faithfulness, grace and love for a sinner and wretch like me. May I continue to see and confirm God’s unconditional love and boundless grace in every weakness, condition and situation. But more importantly, may I have that willing heart to see my delight and joy in Jesus Christ alone.
“But for your grace, I would not be saved
But for your grace, I would go my way
I’m forever grateful that
You have been faithful to me, Lord
For your amazing grace
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see”
I had been extremely busy recently because I took up a part-time course which commenced in September. At the same time, my new manager just joined our company and as she was new in the company, I need to help her assimilate into her role and assist in some area of her work, on top of my own work and projects. Initially I was feeling the stretch but after coming before the Lord and holding on to the promise that <Rom 8:28> “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him”, the Lord open my eyes to see and accept that God puts me in this busyness so that I could put into practice of what I have heard in the pulpit message, which would definitely be beneficial to me.
<1 John 4:4> “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” This was the theme of the series of pulpit messages for the past one month. Out of this series, there was this pulpit message that was shared:
Always face the Lord in our spirit, we can overcome the giants within.
Giants – Some sins that cannot depart, thoughts/acts that are hardened, muddled, cannot submit to God, love the world, hatred, bitterness, cause harm to self and others etc.
After hearing this message, I asked myself “what is the giant within?” I discover that…
As shared earlier that there were new people (my new manager, lecturers and classmates in school) appearing in my lives and I had to interact with more people due to some projects that I had to work on. I came to realize more and more often that I would do things to please people, avoid doing/saying things that would probably hurt the person or cause discontentment. In a nutshell, I just place importance on the things people say or think about me.
All along, I was aware that I had this tendency. However this time round, I dive deeper and discover that it was all about this word PRIDE, the driver of the “tendency”. That “good qualities” and “good image” of myself that I hope others would have of me. If people had some biased view, I would be upset, panicky and would start to think of ways/things to do/say to reinstate that “good image”.
I used to think that as I am not boastful in words and conduct; I do not need to be mindful of “pride”. However, recently I came to a realization that pride creeps into our lives subtly and unknowingly. This is because of the unseen evil one- Satan who sinned because of pride and see himself and his conditions good enough to be in the “same” place as God. Now, It is in control of the spiritual realms, therefore “its” spirit would affect us in one or another way.
We need to be really mindful of pride as pride may cause our relationship with God and men strain. I have seen cases where Satan plant thoughts in believers to place importance in “emphasizing” on their good qualities and conditions and seeking “recognition” and “reward” from God and men. Those weakness and “poorer” conditions of theirs, they often couldn’t hear God’s loving and forgiving voice and see God’s favor is still on them. Instead, Satan plant voices of accusations in them. As these accusations continue to accumulate over time and left unresolved, they became sensitive to man’s words and would be hurt by their words and resentfulness towards man would grow over time.
“Dear Lord, please let this prideful nature in me die and let me learn to face you alone.”
Photo credit to source
BUT God will never forsake His children.
Ps 94: 12, 14
“Blessed is the man you discipline, O Lord, the man you teach from your law;”“For the Lord will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.”
As He had been trying to speak to me relentlessly, through my spirit, but I was still so stubborn and was totally deceived by Satan. One day, God had no choice but to discipline me. Towards the end of 2007, I met a very serious car accident with a long cargo vehicle. I remembered the car technician at the workshop said, “You should count yourself lucky for escaping from death. Anyone would have lost their lives after colliding with that long cargo vehicle and with the degree that your car bonnet was smashed, you would not have survived.” Lucky??? Is it really lucky? Or is it God’s grace?? It made me felt like I was David as he rather be disciplined by the Lord than to be in the hands of his enemy. After the car accident, my spirit was awakened and I was humble before the Lord.
Thank the Lord for the car accident which revived my spirit, otherwise I would have gone deeper into self-destruction. I really can’t imagine the state I would be in, had it not be for that car accident.
While harboring such evil thoughts, at the same time, accusations came, “You always claimed you love people but now you see you are having such evil thoughts? How can you be so judgmental, especially to a sister-in-Christ? etc” . I had these accusations because this colleague is a pious “Catholic”, she treated me well and also sometimes, we used to share that in the face of stressful situations at work, we should pray and leave it to the Lord.
With such a spirit, I remembered that the few days, I ran into some problems at work (keep complaining) and also hear some feedbacks from Mr. K (one of my boss) which further upset me. See how Satan can simply use a small incident and amplified it to torture us.
I was indeed being tortured and was suffering in the spirit for a few days, but ironically, it was this that pushed me before the Lord.
(i) Lord, I really want to confront my ex-bosses to seek for fairness!
“If you really go and confront them, will you get the fairness you want? NO, probably just apologies as they can’t do anything much, would you be happier? In fact, this only satisfies you for a while; when you cool down, you would feel worse off because you would be accused by Satan as he will make you see yourself as “pathetic”. Who can give you the real justice? Psalms 103:6 “The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.”
(ii) But Lord, it’s really so unfair!
“Do you believe that I am in control of this? If you are a child of mine, would you think I, your Father, would be “unfair” to you? Would any father be “unfair” to his children?”After hearing this, I ask myself, “Was I really treated unfairly?” Slowly, the confirmation came, “If I was treated unfairly, I would not be in this new role.” This was the role that the Lord brought me to, and it will give me the exposure and new learning that I need. “If I was really treated unfairly, I would not possibly get the grace that was beyond my expectations, within these 3 years.”
(iii) Lord, I know you said that “whatever you have now is the best for you”. But is this “amount” that I have the best?
“Yes, my child, if I were to give you “huge” grade jump, most importantly, you would drift away from me because ‘with higher grade comes higher responsibilities’ and also, you would not be touched by “my grace” so easily. If I were to give you “huge” grade jump, you would not be able to manage your finances well and might end up getting accused easily.
(iv) Lord, in this case, I know this is not coincidental, so what is the reason?
“Remember that you have heard/seen many real-life examples of HR seeing the salaries of other HR colleagues, ended up feeling sour and couldn’t continue to work happily in the company and decide to leave. But, you must be different; you must not be like them, but rather like Psalms 37:6 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”
So after the confirmation from the Lord, I was totally at peace for this issue. I was no longer hostile to my colleague and helped her in some areas of her work. I am amazed that there were a few times when my current boss unintentionally brought up this incident, I do not have any “unfair” or “sour” feeling.
The Lord just works beyond man’s imagination. Last week, I was told that this colleague would be transferred back because somehow she wasn’t able to manage the workload well. Upon hearing it, I wasn’t feeling extremely happy because “the Lord works justice for me” but rather I am happy because before the “struggle” was solved, I have already received the answers in the midst of the “struggle”.
So now when I think back, I find another reason for going through this “struggle”. “Receiving an assured heart (of God’s child identity, covenant) is more important than achieving success” is an important know-how in my days ahead (be it in successful or baffling situations). So the Lord cannot allow me to put this in my mind “warehouse” but rather I need to experience it in my spirit and see the efficacy myself.
LOVE Surpasses Accusations 